Woman on the Verge: Lala Hayden

Having gained notoriety and popularity fronting indie outfit Anteros, Catalan-British singer-songwriter Laura 'LALA' Hayden is now diving deep into her solo project under the guise of Lala Hayden. Empowering, powerful and self-reflective, Lala's Blondie-inspired brand of pop has seen early support from Spotify, NME, DORK Magazine and more. Following her debut at The Great Escape, Lala will be performing her London and Barcelona headline shows to herald the release of her debut EP 'Girl Becomes'.

by Amaranta Wright

My earliest memory is a sunny Saturday in spring in my home in Barcelona. All of the windows are open and I am singing 'Downtown' by Petula Clark (one of my dad’s favourite songs) at the top of my lungs.

I've inherited my taste in music from my mama. Then I do this weird thing with my eyebrows that is 100% my dad.

When I was five my music teacher told me I had a gift and encouraged me to use it. For a long time, I didn’t believe it and I got distracted in so many ways. Lately, I’ve been understanding that it comes from within and, no matter what road I take, whether songwriting or singing - my voice is there. If I don’t find an outlet for it, I feel it build up inside of me. When I sing, I feel truly free.

The hardest thing to live with is the critic that lives inside my brain. She can be really loud and annoying sometimes. She’s been there since I was a kid and has created all sorts of drama (including eating disorders, anxiety…). It feels easier to overcome anything that happens outside of me, but when it’s inside of me - and is constantly there - it's so hard to tell between my gut and my critic’s voice.

When I was a teenager I really loved 'Rumours' by Fleetwood Mac. I remember my mama playing it in the car on the way to school…I always come back to it and I never don’t love it.

I became obsessed with the character of Miss Havisham from 'Great Expectations' (Charles Dickens), which was the first book I read that I couldn’t put down. She was a woman filled with so much disappointment and revenge. I feel very drawn to anti-heroines and their stories.

Being bi-cultural is a double-edged sword. From the outside it can be confusing and nobody really knows what box to put me in. But it’s made me braver, as I’ve had to learn to be comfortable with not fitting into any box.

The beginning of everything was when I visited Tokyo in 2009. It made me realise how big the world is and how much is possible. I feel really grateful that I’ve been able to travel and see so much from a young age.

I'm inspired by women, women’s stories, challenging the way things are done, using my voice like an instrument, arriving to a flow state where I stop thinking or judging what I write and words pour onto paper.

At the moment, I’m spending a lot of time in the studio (currently working on my 2nd solo EP) and my favourite thing has been getting there and home by tube without listening to anything. Just being present in life. I’ve started to look forward to these moments. This morning at Finsbury Park a guy helped me up the stairs with my suitcase. It is always a relief when you look up and a stranger is there to help.

The biggest challenge I’ve had to overcome is understanding that no journey is linear. It’s so easy to look up at other artists and compare myself or listen to too many opinions and be swayed or spiral because of it. It led me to so many destructive behaviours and numbing. Learning how to be still, how to look after my body and see it as a direct connection to my voice, and my voice as a direct connection to my soul…realising that it’s all connected. Realising that my story is mine, and it is unique and that I am responsible for the next chapter. That’s the only thing I can control.

Success is being able to sleep at night knowing that I am safe and warm and that my basic needs are covered; access to nutritious food and vitamin D, feeling safe and trusting my body, getting to do a 'job' that I am passionate about and doesn’t feel like a job, feeling safe to be myself in my personal relationships, like I don’t have to wear a mask - and knowing that I provide the same for the people that I love, not defining myself solely by my achievements. Success is the freedom to keep learning and travelling.

The most useful piece of advice I’ve been given is “Let go what goes, let come what comes. See what remains.” This was written on a window at a six-day silent retreat that I attended and it has been my anchor ever since. It's a quote from Ramana Maharshi.